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  <a href="/blog/blog/4519430/tis-the-season-to-feel-nostalgic">Tis The Season To Feel Nostalgic</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/226954/fc4f55579a9e7b986fac8d223e4bb689285d02e9/medium/fullsizerender.jpg?1482275202" class="size_m justify_center border_none" alt="" /><br>In my 51 years on this earth, I’ve only missed one family Christmas tree decorating night.  My Dad is 82 years old, and while I hope he lives to be 150 even if that should comes to pass, like it or not, I know there are a finite number of Christmas tree decorating nights with him left.  I want to be there for every last one of them. So tonight I show up pizza in hand walk into the kitchen and say </p>
<p>“Holy Griswald! What’s up with the decorations Dad? Wow!!”. </p>
<p>My sister glances over at me and replies “you have no idea” and laughs. </p>
<p>My father’s kitchen looks like a warehouse for holiday lawn ornaments.  I’ve never seen anything like it and can’t figure out when he got all this stuff because he did NOT have it last year.  Now is probably a good time to mention, the outside of his house is already drowning in decorations and lights.  I can see the glow from his house from my apartment and I live the next town over.  I have no clue where he’s going to put the decorations I see stacked to the ceiling in his kitchen.  All I can tell you is, I can’t wait to take family Christmas Eve pictures in front of the house this year.  It’s going to be awesome! </p>
<p>But I digress.   </p>
<p>After dinner, the three of us head to the living room to begin the tree decorating festivities. My sister cranks up the Christmas cassette (we’ve listened to the same cassette of Christmas music since 1985 that the tape is still intact and playing is a Christmas miracle in and of itself). </p>
<p>Dad:  (in a very curmudgeonly manner)  “Oh God” </p>
<p>Me: “What’s up Dad”? </p>
<p>Dad: “These lights are out” </p>
<p>Me:  “Don’t you have another set” </p>
<p>Dad: “Yes, but they’re out too” </p>
<p>I look over at my sister and say “and so it begins” </p>
<p>She and I start laughing.  We can’t help ourselves.  We find my father’s lack of patience amusing.  We begin laughing even harder when we hear my father start to curse the light set out.  My father’s always the first of us to curse.  I’m usually the next to go.  My sister is more patient and it can take some time before she loses it.  </p>
<p>I wander over to my father and the problematic light set and tell him to get the ornaments I’ll fix the lights.  I spend the next twenty minutes or so trying to figure out which light is out.  I end up with one and a half strands of working lights, I’ve got one set that is half lit, the other half unlit, and a full set of lights that is “working” but on that set every other light is lit (guess what I’m getting my Dad for Christmas?) </p>
<p>Sister: You’re not going to use that 1/2 of a set are you? </p>
<p>Me: Look at the size of this tree I have too.   </p>
<p>Sister: You’re not going to be able to stretch 1 1/2 sets over this tree </p>
<p>Me: Watch me. </p>
<p>I make it work. </p>
<p>We spend the next hour putting up ornaments, no branch is left behind.  I dig through the boxes selecting the fugliest ornaments that I can find and I hang them prominently on the front of the tree.  It’s tradition.  I hang the ugly ornaments on the front of the tree and when I’m busy doing other things, my sister moves them to the back of the tree.  When we’re all done decorating the tree and my sister has wandered off to get the vacuum…I move the hideous ornaments back to the front of tree.  We move them back and forth the entire time the tree is up.  And it never gets old for either one of us.   </p>
<p>When we’re done decorating the tree, I look at my Dad and tell him to grab the ladder and I’ll help him put the boxes back in the attic, however, he has other plans.  He wants to hang some of the blue stars he has in his front window. My father begins wrestling with the blinds because there will be no stars hanging until the blinds come down.  Two blue stars and one 3 foot tall fully lit Christmas themed R2D2 later … the  bay window decorating is done.  I kid you not, I couldn’t make this shit up.  A lighted Merry Christmas sign goes on the front door.  A two and half foot crocheted Santa goes on the closet door next to the front door with the lit up sign.  My father begins singing, and this my friends was my favorite moment of the night….my Dad has got two very large light up snowmen in his hands and he’s singing Queen’s Thank God It’s Christmas, and in that moment I am overcome by the love I have in my heart for this amazing, holiday lawn ornament holding, blue stars for everyone, singing Thank God It’s Christmas man.  I am so utterly blessed and grateful for my Dad.  For my family, for my sister.  That the three of us are still together.  I think of my Mom in that moment and I miss her terribly, I wish she was still with us, she would have been in the room laughing, rockin that weird little terry cloth turban she wore to hide the rollers in her hair.  I look over at the crocheted Santa and I think of my Grams and I miss her.  It’s hard to get through Christmas and not remember that the anniversary of her passing is on the 22nd of this month. I look at the ugly ornaments on the tree and see the red angel, the one that my Nonna gave me and I miss her.  Christmas Eve was always spent at her house, I’d go early and “help” her cook.  Actually, I’d watch her cook, but I would set the table, and she’d try and teach me how to make all of the traditional Italian dishes.  Oh how I wish I’d paid closer attention.  And God, how I miss that woman, and how I miss those Christmas Eve dinners. When my Nonna (in her early nineties) was no longer capable of hosting the Christmas Eve dinner, the torch was passed to my cousin’s wife and she started hosting Christmas Eve dinner and a new tradition began.  </p>
<p>I leave my father’s house tonight thinking about tradition.  I get in my car, pull out of the driveway look over at his house at the impressive decorations and lights, trying to imagine what it is going to look like after he adds all of the items in his kitchen.  And I laugh.  And I feel homesick and more than a little nostalgic.  And there is this feeling in my stomach, an ache for the days of old, a grieving for the old traditions.  I’m grateful for what remains, so incredibly grateful.  I had fun tonight with my Dad and sis.  I laughed often and it was a very merry occasion.  But it was also difficult.  Every Christmas is tough for me, because I am a sentimental girl, and I remember Christmas’ past spent with loved ones who are no longer here.  And I miss those days as much as I love this day, I hold space for both feelings in my heart.  As I pull away from my childhood home, smile on my face, grief in the pit of my stomach I take a deep breath, exhale, and remember, such is life. Right now is all there is, tomorrow is not promised. I drive home to my apartment, the entire five mile ride aglow from the lights adorning my fathers house, and I wish that I could freeze this moment in time. But alas, it's already over, and life moves on. </p></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2016-12-20T18:08:40-05:00" title="December 20, 2016 18:08">12/20/2016</span></p>

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  <a href="/blog/blog/4489409/keep-on-keeping-on">Keep on Keeping on</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/226954/1a3ce776668632677b4085a55bcd70353a35448d/medium/img-9399.jpg?1480291822" class="size_m justify_center border_" />I think of my musical endeavors to be kind of like a second job, that labor of love that I start working on after putting in a full day at work.  Sometimes it gets a little exhausting and truth be told I had been feeling more than a little overwhelmed by this month’s tasks at hand, which included getting the new website up and running, working on the new track which as of mid month had no guitars or bass (more on that in a moment) worrying about having a December or January track based on the fact that Paul is super busy right now and I wasn’t sure if his schedule would allow him any time to work on XRS stuff.  And then there is the video that we decided to make that we began filming this month which involved a decent amount of prep work, and the coordination of many schedules.  In a nutshell I had started to succumb to anxiety over everything and frankly, there’s no point in doing any of it if it’s not fun so I decided to take some of the pressure off of myself and I gave myself permission to fail.  I decided to find my way to being ok with not having control over many of the things I wanted to have control over and I offered them up to the powers that be and trusted that things would work out as they should.  I let go of it all and a funny thing happened… </p>
<p>  </p>
<p>The new website is up and running, and last night I completed uploading all of the missing content – yay me! You know what else I posted on the site last night? This month’s single.  How did we manage to release a song that as of mid month only had keys, drums and a scratch vocal?   </p>
<p>  </p>
<p>Well, Paul surprised the heck out of me by sending me guitar and bass tracks for this month’s song and during my extended holiday staycation I was able to complete vocals and get that track mixed with Glen in time for a November release.  And speaking of songs/tracks - my friend Benz was able to take four different piano takes I had for a different song and combine them into one good take so he saved a track that I thought wasn’t salvageable and that could be a potential December release which I will need to begin recording vocals for sometime this week….and I’ve got a new track I wrote that I’m going to send off to PD that hopefully  he'll have time to do guitars and bass for (fingers crossed)and that can be our January track.  Suddenly, things are looking much more optimistic on the song a month front.  The video front isn’t looking too bad either.    </p>
<p>  </p>
<p>Saturday night we wrapped up shooting of the video so now my friend Marc and I will begin the editing process…I’m excited about that, I’ve learned so much from him during this video making adventure,  it’s really been a lot of fun and as an added bonus Scotty will be in the video so he was up two weekends ago for a shoot and we all caught up with each other while laughing ourselves silly during filming.  (If nothing else, we’ve got a LOT of outtake/blooper reel footage – thanks in no small part to Glen’s running commentary throughout shooting, he is nonstop laughs that one).  </p>
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<p>Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment and post an update on XRS happenings.  Lots going on so stay tuned – I’ll be posting new content soon!</p></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2016-11-29T21:18:40-05:00" title="November 29, 2016 21:18">11/29/2016</span></p>

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</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog/blog/4466726/future-s-so-bright">Future&#39;s So Bright</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/226954/717e1257089dfab3def579e12cfd7a9cd18f0d84/medium/img-4739.jpg?1480472789" class="size_m justify_center border_" />I came to a realization this weekend. </p>
<p>It’s not that I haven’t been noticing, it’s just that up until this point I’d been successful in remaining in denial of the truth.   </p>
<p>However, this weekend I was forced to confront reality.  And the reality is that how I feel on the inside and what I look like on the outside no longer have anything in common with each other. This was all brought (rather harshly) to my attention by the XRS photo shoot that took place this weekend.     </p>
<p>A friend of ours came up Saturday night to take some band shots of Glen and me in the industrial complex where our music room is located.  It’s a great place to take pictures because it’s got a lot of great doors, lights, tunnels, and stairwells that make for very urban looking photos.  Our friend Erik is a very talented photographer and I am in awe of his “eye” I love how he sees things that I never would have seen on my own.  I learned so much from him in the time we spent shooting on Saturday night, and his use of only the lighting we had on the buildings made for some fantastic shots. Pictures you’ll never get to see because unfortunately, the lighting that is wonderful for creating very moody industrial looking images is not at all flattering to my middle aged face. And when I say it’s not flattering, I mean in a holy mother of God who is that old woman in the pictures kind of way.   I’d been telling myself up until this point that anytime I took a bad photo or looked in the mirror and saw a tired looking person, that I didn’t really look like that, it was just poor lighting that was causing the less than stellar reflection (regardless of how many different places/times this would occur).  This weekend’s photo session made my denial something I can’t unsee.  The truth is, I look my age.  And after the photo session this weekend, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling with that a little. </p>
<p>Oh alright, I’m struggling with it a lot.  And before you go judging me for being shallow and vain, please extend me the courtesy of hearing me out.  Here’s the thing kids, (with one or two exceptions) from the very first moment I stepped up to a mic and auditioned for a band, someone has told me how I needed to look.  The fact that I got up to said mic and sang my ass off was always secondary to the image I needed to present to secure my place in the lineup.  Those are the facts.  I don’t have to like them, and I’ll even tell you that I understand them to some extent.   But I want you to imagine 30 plus years of being told over and over and over again, that what you looked like was the most important piece of the equation.  When I look back at pre-XRS photos – the girl I see in the photos looks lost to me.  And with the luxury of hindsight I know why  I look that way.   I was so busy trying to be what everyone around me was telling me I needed to be, that I rarely stepped up to the mic as myself.  I can’t change that, it’s the past.  Now that I’m older all I can do is try not to repeat history.  Right? </p>
<p>One of the things my friends tell me is great about the fabulous age group I am now a part of, is that with the fifties comes wisdom.  I’m still waiting for it to arrive because I’m feeling like worrying about my aging face is so very forties and that I should be thinking about all the important and wise things people in their fifties are supposedly thinking about except….all I can think is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I no longer look the part.  Maybe I never did.  Maybe I was so busy trying to look like what other people were telling me I should look like that I completely missed my opportunity to just be me on stage and let the rest be whatever it was going to be.  Instead I squandered my youthful years worrying about what everyone else thought about me.  And g’damn if I’m not still doing the same thing.  When I look at the photos from this weekend’s shoot I’m looking at myself through the lens of other people’s expectations, at least what I perceive those expectations to be.  And I’m not measuring up, which is why on Sunday afternoon when Glen and I were looking through the pictures together trying to decide on which images we wanted to use for our site, I looked at him and asked “do I look this old in person, please tell me it’s harsh lighting in these photos and that I don’t look like this in real life”. </p>
<p>Glen and I have known each other for a very long time, he is one of my oldest and closest friends and I trust him because I know when I look at him and ask him a loaded question like “do I look like this in real life” he’s going to answer me with the truth even if I don’t want to hear it.  So when he said “Chris, it was very harsh lighting you don’t look like this in person” I was greatly relieved.  I didn’t press him because I suspected he had just looked me in the face and lied, and frankly, I was grateful.  My gratitude was short lived because in the next breath he looked over at me and said, “that’s why I’ve got sunglasses on in the photos.  Next time the TV is scrolling the album covers, take a moment to notice how many of the aging rockers have sunglasses on”.  To which I replied “what are you saying, I should wear sunglasses in future shoots”?  He laughed and said “I’m saying you’re not the only person worrying about getting older”.  This did not make me feel better.  Later in the day, not one but two different friends told me they are very good with Photoshop and offered to help “fix” my pictures.  They meant well, but their words stung.  No one wants to hear that their face needs to be fixed.  </p>
<p>And today I find myself revisiting the thought that I no longer look the part, and wondering where the heck that leaves me. I suppose I could spiral off into despair over the fact that I no longer look young and then I could make myself even more miserable trying to fight that reality with thoughts of botox and photoshopping,  giant sunglasses, and  the importance of flattering lighting, but just typing those things makes me tired.  Or…..I could just roll with it.  Own it. Embrace my wrinkles, tired looking eyes, skin elasticity malfunctions, (not for nothing but I've a sneaking suspicion that my sixties might be the involuntary jowl years) maybe I can just be comfortable in my own aging skin.  I kind of like that idea, because for the first time, the pressure is off.  I don’t have to look like anyone other than myself.  And that works out well, because the impulse to write doesn’t go away just because I’ve got wrinkles.  The need to create doesn’t disappear just because I no longer look the part.  The strange truth of it is, the older I get the more important it is to me to follow my heart, the more I want to pursue my passions with abandon. And that's when I have the thought "hey, wait a minute, I've been wanting to try to combine mediums, bring my art ideas into my photography and tie that to the music".....hmmmmmm......I couldn't figure out how to pull that off but now I'm starting to realize that these photo ideas I've been getting flashes of in my head, involve lots of colorful costumes and cloth and meshing that into the environment of the photo, and if the focus of the band shots moves from the members to the image itself as the art....well then I don't have to worry so much about harsh lighting because (now's probably a good time to mention paint will be involved) I can just paint something cool on my wrinkles and fuck it maybe I'll wear some big bad ass sunglasses too! And suddenly I'm not so bothered by my middle aged skin elasticity issues, I'm too damned excited about exploring a new avenue of ideas for tying our band imagery and music together.  Damn! This is going to be fun!!!</p></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2016-10-29T18:40:00-04:00" title="October 29, 2016 18:40">10/29/2016</span></p>

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  <a href="/blog/blog/4443396/ventura-bound-prologue">Ventura Bound - Prologue</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><em><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/226954/f380a7e35e80ac8b1f3181a035cf785d4c816cdf/medium/copy-of-dsc01028.jpg?1480472831" class="size_m justify_center border_" />(Note to reader: In 2017 we will release our first full length CD in let’s just say… quite some time.  Why the delay between full length CDs? It’s a long story….one that I plan on sharing with you (at least in part) in this blog and on the album itself.  The 2017 release will be titled Ventura and it’s a concept album. But I’m getting ahead of myself.   Today’s blog is the  prologue.) </em></p>
<p>November 2007 </p>
<p>I've spent the day hiking around Sedona and I find my way into the Red Rock Crossings parking lot as the sun begins sinking in the sky. Excited that I've found this place, I grab my camera bag and race along the trail that takes me to the edge of the stream, eager to capture the amazing reflections I am seeing in the water before me. </p>
<p>The best place to shoot photos looks to be mid stream so I begin making my way across. The cold water is a bit of a shock as it soaks my socks and I discover that my hiking boots are not even remotely waterproof but I forget all about my wet feet when I stop and look up at cathedral rock . Earlier in the day I had hiked up to the top of it and looked down at the very spot I am now standing, seeing the reverse view takes my breath away. </p>
<p>I take many photos, and then I put my camera away because I don't want to miss the moment. I just want to spend some time being. Being here in this place that speaks to my soul, something about it feels sacred to me. I stand and take in my surroundings, watching as the sun sinks lower in the sky, a beautiful golden light covering everything. This is my favorite hour of the day. I look to my left and notice that the path along the water is littered with river rocks. People have stacked them, someone has created a giant yin-yang with the rocks and the entire area looks like a strange and beautiful altar. I wander over to the trail and choose some rocks that speak to me, and I notice a tree a few feet ahead that has a perfect nook to place my offering.  </p>
<p>This is the very first time I say the prayer. There with my river rocks, at the altar in the shadow of cathedral rock, I kneel down and pray. My soul calls out to the heavens with a longing that has this very night, been fully awakened.  And I will never be the same, my trajectory has changed. </p>
<p>I don't know it yet, but I am Ventura bound.</p></div>
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  <a href="/blog/blog/4443381/things-i-can-t-unsee">Things I Can&#39;t Unsee</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p>My weekday mornings are busy, I get up at 4:20AM so that I have enough time to get everything done before I head to work. I suffer from regular bouts of insomnia so the early mornings are often really tough for me. Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to understand why my brain might not be firing on all cylinders when I first get up in the morning. Oh, and I need to tell you one other piece of information. I need glasses to see anything that is more than three feet in front of me. </p>
<p>So this morning after finishing my meditation I put on my headphones and begin my workout, and I look out my apartment window and see the beautiful sunrise. I stop for a moment and gaze at the bright orange sphere off in the distance and I feel my heart swell with gratitude and then...my brain kicks on and thinks "wow, how weird is it that I happened to glance out at today's rising sun and it's in the same exact position it was yesterday when I admired the sunrise"? </p>
<p>This is the point my brain really wakes up and joins the party and thinks, "wait a minute, something's not right" so I Zumba my way over to my glasses, I put them on and return to my window to take a clearer look at the sunrise. This is when I discover the sunrise isn't actually a sunrise. Nope, the suns not up yet, which makes sense given the very early hour. What is bright and orange in color is the large streetlamp in the strip mall parking lot across the highway from my apartment.  </p>
<p>I liked the view better before I put my glasses on and therein lies the dilemma, I can't unsee the streetlamp. My faux sunrise has been ruined. Forever. And I find myself thinking about the similarities between by ruined sunrise and a conversation I had the night before with a friend about how uncomfortable self discovery can sometimes be.  </p>
<p>My friend and I had been discussing my recent bouts of lucidity when I catch myself in the act of avoiding an uncomfortable emotion. I have some very ingrained go to escapes for when I'm not feeling alright. I've a sneaking suspicion this is true for most people, but I'll keep this easy and just talk about my experiences and my vices. I've got the obvious escapes, drinking, other recreational ways to elevate myself, food, these are the glaringly obvious go to escape pods I used to regularly turn to when I wanted to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Somewhere along the way I got tired of their short lived relief and I stopped turning to these things for comfort. There were the less obvious (to me) escape tactics (shopping anyone) that took me longer to figure out were ways I was still saying "I'm not alright".  I eventually figured out that shopping was another dead end to relief so I gave it up (for the most part) all the while having to stay with the discomfort for longer and longer periods because I've stopped doing the things I used to do to distract myself from the dis-ease I frequently feel.  </p>
<p>Here's the thing, I have always approached life with a very open heart, which makes me feel incredibly vulnerable most of the time. Recently I caught myself using a defensive posture I hadn't realized I (regularly) use, and now I can't unsee the fruitless nature of my response. So I'm left with a choice, continue responding in a way that doesn't bring lasting relief....or figure out how to be with uncomfortable emotions. </p>
<p>Oh those pesky uncomfortable emotions and their Siamese twin escape mechanisms, I can't unsee them. My escape tactics used to be my sunrise, and self discovery is the pair of glasses I reached for to check out the sunrise. And now I can't unsee any of it. So what's a girl to do? </p>
<p>For me the answer is obvious. I need a healthy way to express the emotions I'm feeling, and that my friends is how I bring this around to being a music related blog. Song writing for me has always been very personal it has always been my go to place for letting the emotion out, safely, and it is the one place that has brought me lasting relief. So while I can't unsee the messed up attempts I've made to hide from the fact that I feel scared and hurt much of the time, writing songs and singing through my emotions is the place I don't have to unsee, it's the place I can go and be seen and be ok with the vulnerability. That being said....I feel a song coming on, I gotta go...</p></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog/blog/4443380/bad-ideas">Bad Ideas</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p>One of the things Glen used to suggest we do anytime we were gearing up to begin gigging regularly was to hit every open mic night in the area and play through our set list. I hated doing this. Those practice nights were some of the most awful moments on stage for me as they quite often presented us with the worst possible conditions to have to play under. </p>
<p>However, once in a while we would stumble across a great open mic. At the great open mic places, magic could and did frequently happen. Some of my favorite stage memories occurred at one open mic place in particular.  About a decade ago there was a fantastic open mic on Tuesday nights at our favorite local bar. The musicians that ran it were such wonderful people and they hosted a night that encouraged magical stage moments. It was also a great environment in which to fail.   </p>
<p>Here's the thing, it turned out Glen was right about the open mic practice and how enough of those practice nights under our belts would lead to greatly improved live shows. I didn't really find my way to truly taking the stage until after I had failed, repeatedly and epically at the open mics.  </p>
<p>And that brings me to my point. Failing. I'm talking, I want to crawl out of the bar I have just failed so monumentally, I'm never ever going back to that place again, level of failure. I can tell you this, those failures are burned into my memory. There was one failure in particular that I find myself laughing about from time to time. And that was the night Scotty managed to convince me that it would be a good idea to play guitar on stage and accompany myself on a new song I had just written. </p>
<p>The song was called Say The Words, and it had already caused me much mortification on a previous Tuesday night when I had gotten up to sing it and started crying half way through it and could barely make it through to the end of the song (long story, but the individual the song is about was there that night with his new girlfriend and I didn't see them until after I had gotten on stage so yeah, it was a mess but I digress) my point here being I knew singing this song again was probably a bad idea, but sometimes I'm a slow learner and there was Scotty so very confident I could totally  accompany myself on the guitar, he was so convincing and he reminded me that he was going to be standing next to me and would play too so I didn't have to worry. And that is how I found my way into agreeing to the incredibly bad idea that I could play guitar, on stage, while singing. What the hell was I thinking?!? </p>
<p>You can guess what happened right? </p>
<p>I'll sum it up by saying that it was the longest three minutes of my life, and my mortification level on a scale of one to ten came in somewhere around seven trillion. I wanted to die. </p>
<p>But you know what? I didn't die. And something strange and wonderful began to happen after experiencing enough horrendously mortifying moments on stage....I wasn't afraid of them anymore. After a while, I stopped taking myself so seriously and could get off the stage and laugh if things had turned to shit. The embarrassing moments didn't disappear, there were still bad nights, there were still plenty of bad ideas to be tried, they just didn't bother me like they once had. And that was how I finally learned that a.)I really need to listen to Glen more, he is a smart man and b.)never will I ever again think playing guitar, for anyone, is a good idea, and c.) the best way to get over my fears is to face them head on. I guess sometimes even bad ideas have their merits.</p></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2016-09-26T14:25:00-04:00" title="September 26, 2016 14:25">09/26/2016</span></p>

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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog/blog/4443378/lost-track-confessions">Lost Track Confessions</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p>I have a confession to make, I sometimes don't know where one is. </p>
<p>Oh alright, let me rephrase, I frequently don't know where one is. And while we're on the subject let me also say that I am so supremely grateful that Glen and Paul never seemed bothered by this fact. </p>
<p>Nor do they ever seem troubled by the fact that I can't actually play an instrument and yet I write playing the guitar and keys. I use the word play loosely. I'm not sure what the actual term is for the sounds I produce with either instrument, but somehow my talented friends seem to understand what it was I was trying to play, and they make my ideas sound good. Have I mentioned recently how much I adore them? But I digress... </p>
<p>I bring all this up because today's blog is about the lost tracks posted on our site. </p>
<p>Why are they lost? Because I sometimes make very poor decisions. Decisions like, I only need one backup drive for my computer. Turns out crashed computers sometimes can't be resurrected and if you have a backup drive for said crashed computer and the backup drive is bad, well then too bad for you, or in this case too bad for me.  Which is how these tracks all got lost. </p>
<p>And you know what, while on the subject of poor decisions, I currently have a computer that is near death, running on the Panda OS (or some animal) and my God is that problematic, oh and I don't have a backup drive at the moment. It's a mess. A mess that exists because of my poor decisions. But I've gotten off on a tangent once again...where was I? </p>
<p>Lost tracks. </p>
<p>Yeah, so these are tracks that are "on deck" for attempts at final versions, but they are lower on the list of lost tracks (there were a LOT of songs lost on that crashed computer) so they aren't going to be part of our 2017 release, but they are songs that are near and dear to my heart.  </p>
<p>I love these songs and I look forward to the day when I can listen to their final versions, in the interim since this site is really about being a repository for all of my musical adventures over the years, I wanted my favorite lost tracks to have a home while they wait for their turn in the re-record rotation. </p>
<p>That being said, please listen with an open mind...and be warned there are two tracks that are the very first pass writing tracks (Keep You Safe and Circle) ...meaning I'm playing guitar, it's not pretty, and I apologize, I freely admit I can't play guitar. Whatever. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do when she's got a song floating around in her head.  Listen at your own risk...can't say I didn't warn you!</p></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog/blog/4443365/economy-of-tracks-aka-how-chrissy-likes-to-drive-herself-crazy">Economy of Tracks (aka how Chrissy likes to drive herself crazy) </a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/226954/f0ebcff127eb37c4e2580a8d76d67236b2259eac/medium/p1020366.jpg?1480473355" class="size_m justify_center border_thin" alt="" />When I'm first sitting down to write, my thoughts are focused solely on getting my ideas down quickly so I don't forget them. Often times this means I'm layering all the vocal and musical ideas I have and I'm not paying any attention to the number of tracks that I'm using. This is bad. Reeeeally bad.  It's how I end up making myself nuts down the road. </p>
<p>Take last night for instance when Glen and I got together to record the drums for next months song. I open the file and I'm instantly overwhelmed when I notice the 7 million tracks that I've got to get control of. The good news is I'm going to add even more tracks to the mix with the nights recording.  Everything goes really well and GP nails his track on the first take.  Life is good. I decide I'll save my attempts at a scratch mix for another night. </p>
<p>I show up tonight giant coffee in hand ready to attempt a mix, I open the file, stare determinedly at the 7 gazillion tracks and begin to solo them, one ever loving track at a time so that I can figure out what part and instrument is where. Thankfully, I do have the foresight when writing to color code the tracks so that I can more easily identify which are vocal and instrumental tracks. This is helpful. I'm about an hour into the mix when I hear this really annoying click and I'm surprised by the fact that I have somehow accidentally hit the exact combination of keys that turns the click on. Only trouble is when I go to shut the click off I discover it was never on and that what I'm hearing is a click bleeding through a track. One of the seven. Million. Ever loving. Tracks. </p>
<p>I begin weeping. </p>
<p>And this is the point when two thoughts smash through my brain simultaneously, "why wasn't I born wealthy so I could afford to pay someone else to mix, and when when WHEN am I going to learn the importance of less is more when it comes to tracking?" </p>
<p>I still haven't figured out what track has the bleeding click issue. However, I am so incredibly frustrated by that fact at this moment that I'm reasonably certain the next time I sit down to record while writing I will be much more mindful of how many tracks I am using.  </p>
<p>Have I mentioned lately how much I love mixing?</p></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog/blog/4443357/resurgence-how-the-song-a-month-project-came-to-be">Resurgence (How The Song A Month Project Came to Be)</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p>I've been listening to the same song over and over thinking about life.  Having one of those moments where for a split second your perspective widens, before fear sets in and shrinks everything back down to the ordinary.  </p>
<p>You know what the trouble with an epiphany is? You can't ever return fully to who you were before you had the epiphany. They change you. Incrementally, one crack of your heart at a time.  </p>
<p>And tonight I'm listening to this song, and I'm crying because the music is moving me, and the lyrics are making me pray. Fervently. I am begging the higher powers that be to please let me have what is being sung about in the song, let me have that feeling about someone before I die, and let him feel that way about me. But then as I pray, my prayer gets bigger, and I find myself asking for more, because I want more, I want to be moved. I want to be completely and unapologetically, what I was born to be. And my heart breaks open a little more with the realization that I am not ready to forget music. I don't want to be anything other than what I've always known in my heart that I am.  </p>
<p>I want to be moved by this life, I want to be surrounded by others whose passion and creativity inspire me, makes my heart ache over its beauty. I want to share that experience of beauty with someone, I want to know what it is to love and to be loved and I want that with every ounce of my being, it is what my soul hungers for with an intensity that astounds me.  </p>
<p>So here I am asking the universe to please give me the courage to pursue this life that has called me for so. Very. Fucking. Long. Because at the end of the day, I was born an artist. It's all I've ever wanted to be. And my medium of choice has always been music. </p></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2016-08-15T14:00:00-04:00" title="August 15, 2016 14:00">08/15/2016</span></p>

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  <div class="message">Hello and Welcome!<br><br>Welcome to the new XRS site.  This site is a work in progress and we will continue to update it with new content often.  I wanted to take a moment to tell you about one of the newest additions to the site - my blog.<br><br>This will be my space, the place where I will be writing and telling you some of my story, at least the parts that relate to my musical adventures and specifically to the creation and continuation of X-Ray Star my point here being, most of my posts will be music related (at least to some degree).  That's my intent anyway, maybe it will change with time, who knows...  For now I will start off by saying welcome and tell you that I will be writing when ever inspiration strikes me.  Bottom line, if you want to read about things from <em>my </em>point of view this is the place to visit for that perspective. <br><br>Thanks for reading along!<br><br>Wishing you much love and happiness,<br>Chris</div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2016-08-01T14:05:00-04:00" title="August 01, 2016 14:05">08/01/2016</span></p>

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